Category Archives: Aspergers
Of course, right after I make the resolution to post more, things happen that will make that tough to do for a little while.
There was a death in the family yesterday, my father-in-law. I realize that the impact that his death has on my blogging abilities is probably the least important thing in the world right now, although the Aspie part of my brain is pissed at why this has to happen to me right now. But I know that’s insensitive; I can’t control how my Aspie brain thinks, but I can give it a hard slap in the face when it gets out of line.
Anyways, due to dealing with certain things (funeral, family fallout, etc.), my posting may need to take a hiatus again. Hopefully not months like last time.
Take care, and well wishes for everyone out there.
Some people wonder exactly what a diagnosis of Aspergers gets them. Government assistance? Nope. Special insurance considerations? Doubt it. The understanding, care, and love of the general public? Far from it. Some not-so-gracious people may even see the diagnosis as an excuse for acting strangely. I’ll tell you what the Aspergers diagnosis gives me – piece of mind. It allows me to personally understand what’s going on, both in my brain and the brain of my daughter.
It’s not easy for any parent to deal with the meltdowns that inevitably come with an Aspie child. You can hear a lot of things that can hurt you. An Aspergers diagnosis can help you better understand what your child is going through, what your child is really saying when s/he screams “I HATE YOU!” It helps you realize that it’s a stress release, not an attack. Not that it washes your hands of your responsibility of your child, but it absolves you of blame for the tantrum.
In some cases, the diagnosis may be helpful for the child directly. My wife and I have talked to my daughter about her Aspergers; she knows that sometimes she just needs to let off some steam, and we’ve provided her a safe place to do that. When a tantrum occurs, she will loudly annouce to everyone (though heavy sobbing) that she “just need[s] to go upstairs and cry.” And she does. And when she’s finished, everything’s okay and she knows we still love her. This out-of-control feeling could be very scary to a child who doesn’t understand, but the diagnosis of Aspergers helps her understand that this stuff is normal… for her, anyway.
In ths case of adult Aspies like myself (note: although I haven’t been formally diagnosed, I pretty much accept the fact that I do have Aspergers), a diagnosis can help with self-discovery in very much the same way. It can give you insight on why you do the compulsive things you do, and how to handle certain situations in order to diffuse tantrums before they happen. The other day I was trying to make lunch for my family, and I kept running into roadblock after roadblock (not enough ingredients, missing supplies, etc.) until finally I felt it coming on… I was going to blow. But before I did, I took a deep breath, looked at my wife, and said, “I need to go upstairs for a moment before i start tantruming.” I did just that – I laid on the bed, closed my eyes, and just laid there. After a minute or two, I had regained enough composure to come back downstairs to make lunch with the stuff I had to work with.
It’s funny – my wife and I had to really fight to get our daughter diagnosed with Aspergers. At first, we agreed that the diagnosis didn’t really affect us or our love for our daughter; she was the same kid she always was and we wouldn’t treat her any differently. The diagnosis at that time was mainly for the benefit of others, to understand why she acts the way she does and in order to get her the care she needed at school and such. But recently I’ve seen that the diagnosis has helped us, but not in the “We’re ok with it” way. The diagnosis helps in understanding her, making her life and our lives more fulfilling by working with her needs as an Aspie. The diagnosis of Aspergers doesn’t define me or my daughter, but it is part of who we are.
So I’m feeling down today because one of my idea for my SBB course project got shot down like Porkins attacking the Death Star, so now I feel completely dumb and stupid.
It goes like this: for my SBB course I need to write an evidence based research paper that is publication-ready. For those of you who speak regular English, I basically have to write a thesis paper based on blood bank stuff. While we were discussing the project in Indiana, everyone in my class seemed to have these great original research ideas that included novel ideas, applying to review boards, doing trial experiments, etc.
I had nothing.
After some thinking, I came up with what I thought was a good and interesting idea (I won’t bore you with the details, because you won’t get past this paragraph without falling asleep in your own drool puddle). My education coordinator was a little concerned that it wouldn’t work out, so I asked the director of my lab what he thought and if he could help.
For his answer, see above.
So yeah, feeling kinda stupid today. I know that rejection is just a thing and it’s the idea not me and it’s no big deal and I was maybe overreaching and…. whatever. I don’t do well with rejection. It’s why I never really took writing seriously. But it’s not only that. Everyone else in my class seems to be so researchy-cool and know what they are doing. Am I the guy they are all looking at and thinking, “Well, at least I’m not as dumb as that guy”?
I do have a couple of other ideas that I can use. I just have to settle on one fast, since the plan proposal is due like… now. But I guess I’ll just have to figure something out and get the job done, one way or another.
Or else, I’ll just fail.
(That one’s for you, honey) 😉