Will I Please Just Shut Up?
One of the hallmark traits of Aspergers is incessant talking about topics of interest, to the point where people around the Aspie may be completely bored out of their minds. I fall victim to this very often. If you get me talking about the right subject, I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on…..
And so on.
I’m not quite sure why this happens. There could be a few reasons.
I very often have what I like to call “high intensity thoughts.” These are thoughts and ideas that I find so cool/funny/interesting/amazing/etc. that I must hear them aloud in order to make them “real.” Simply thinking them alone does not do the idea justice. I’ll verbalize these thoughts in order to accomplish this, sometimes even when I’m by myself in a room. If I’m interrupted in the middle explaining one of these ideas to someone (most often my annoyed wife), I actually feel slight physical pain until I’m able to share the rest of it. I’m completely unable to just let it go.
Another reason could be the natural high I get from social interactions. It’s hard to understand, but most Aspies actually want to have friends and be social; we are just very uncomfortable doing so because we have no idea how to do it. So when I get into a conversation with someone, it feels nice to actually be talking to someone. It feels so good, that I will continue talking about the subject long after it has gotten boring, just like a alcoholic will continue drinking long after they have gotten drunk.
The weirdest thing is that I know it’s happening as it’s happening. I’ve been talking to one of my coworkers about my fantasy football league lately. The conversation is kind of interesting at first, but eventually it gets to the point where I have to start explaining way too many things and I can tell I’m boring the shit out of him. But I just can’t stop talking about it. Because I worry that if I stop talking about it, I won’t have anything to talk about, and I will be alone on my Aspie island again.
I’ve been trying hard lately to just let these “high intensity thoughts” stay inside my head. It’s difficult, but I can do it if I try. I’m also working on dropping a conversation when I can tell I’m boring someone. Sometimes I have trouble telling exactly when that happens, but I’m getting better. It’s just weird that I have to actively think about these things, when neurotypical people do this naturally. It makes me wonder what you normal people think about all day with all of your free time.
Look at me… I’ve done it again. I probably bored you to death about two paragraphs ago. Okay, no problem. I’ll shut up now.